Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; 
His love endures forever. 
Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story, 
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, 
those he gathered from the lands, from east to west, north and south. 
Psalm 107: 1-2

These two verses are timely, and remind me to remember and give praise to God. As such, I've been thinking a lot the year 2018. I'd like to share one particular learned lesson.

Nearing the completion of my thesis and up to the defence, the Holy Spirit had been nudging me and revealing to me my sin. As context, I had used a theoretical framework in my thesis that is underpinned by secular thinking, specifically feminist ethics. While I feel it was a mistake to use this framework, my sin was much deeper than that. I was relying on my own intellect- to reconcile concepts from the framework with my Christian faith. I was lying to myself, to God and to others about what I really felt about the framework. I was denying the truth that our identity and our morality comes from God.  I was putting other things above God - my time and effort into my own accomplishments. Through the working of the Holy Spirit, I have come to see these sins that I had been commiting, but moreover to take responsibility for them. I felt a sense of shame and guilt for denying and letting down God. I thought to myself at one point, "Does God want me as his follower? Why would he?". Yet, the words of the Bible reminded me to look to Him.

Psalm 51: 1-2, 10-12
Have mercy on me, O God. According to your unfailing love, according to your great compassion, blot out my transgressions. Wash all my inquities and cleanse me from sin...Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence me or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a wiling spirit to sustain me. 

Ephesians 2: 1-10
As for you, you were DEAD in your transgresssions and sins in which you used to live when you followed the ways of the world, the ruler of the kingdom of air, and the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh, following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest we were by nature DESERVING of wrath. BUT, because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy MADE US ALIVE WITH CHRIST even when we were dead in our transgreessions. It is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of GOD - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

Psalm 34: 4-6
I sought the Lord, and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fear. Those who look to him are radiant, their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him and delivered him from all his troubles. 

These verses gave me once a refreshed and anew perspective of who God is, and who I am in Him. Humbled I went to the Lord and repented. I believe that Christ has forgiven me for these sins. With the Holy Spirit's guidance, I took some difficult actions. I came clean to my thesis supervisors about all of this, and asked for the possibility to not publish some of the thesis I wrote. I shared with friends and family and asked for accountability. While this was a learned lesson, it isn't one that I want to shelve away and take out once a while. I pray that this reminds again and again of God's forgiveness, his goodness, and his faithfulness.

There are so many other things in 2018 that God was clearly doing my life.
1. Living and fellowshipping with other brothers and sisters in Christ. God had been growing me to live in community with His church.
2. Submitting to God my relationships and reconciling with others (both Christians and non-Christians).
3. Participating and serving with Perspectives, even in areas where they were not my strengths. Having a servant's heart in serving others. This would be true in a number of other opportunities that God had given me- youth shelter, camp, Samaritan's Purse, and children's ministry.
4. Seeking Him in my work endeavors. God had been more than graceous to give me the opportunity to cover/ replace a certain role at work for the month of May. It was an awesome time working with different patients, families and staff. He also gave me 6+ months of working in my current nursing unit - back with my colleagues, and at the bedside, serving patients and families in their most difficult times.
5. Recognizing His provisions. God had provided a really great tenant for the years I was in school, and when I finished, He also provided me a place to call home. God also graciously provided new work this coming year.
6. Seeing God's work in the lives of others. There have been so many answered prayers!

The year 2019 is a different year with certain chapters closing (school finished) and new ones beginning (moving out, starting new work). But while it is exciting and challenging, I want to remember to seek God, trust and give Him all the praise.